|
|
|
| Hey Everyone!
I’m sorry for the general nature of this letter, but I’ve gotten so far behind in terms of keeping up with people that I’m hoping to be able to get caught up with everyone and then not get so far behind again. Sort of a New Year’s Resolution—Probably won’t happen, but hey, it can’t hurt to try, right? Right now I’m writing from my Aunt Kerry’s condo in Breckenridge (A ski resort in the beautiful Colorado Rockies for those of you who don’t know). We’re going skiing tomorrow and it looks to be a crowded day, but oh well. That’s the way things seem to be getting around here…more crowded. More people=more new interaction, but it also means less space. So…starting with last summer- As usual, I worked for my neighbors, the Haseldens. They’re great people. I landscape, mow, and basically do whatever other outdoor work they’re interested in having me do. It works out great because I don’t have to pay any gas money to get there and don’t have to give any of the money that I earn to the government. (So there Bill!) I also had my cousin’s fiancé offer me a job working for TCI/Jones Intercable (A cable TV service) My official title was "Drop Bury Cable Technician" but basically I was burying cable in people’s backyards. It was fun and I made about $14/HR. but not fun when I showed up to someone’s door and yelled at me because I was "supposed to be there three months earlier to bury the cable." It also wasn’t fun driving all over Denver, but I know all of the streets in certain areas now (Let’s just say that I took the scenic route a few times-well, a lot of times.) While burying cable one day, Brian and I were in the car and Brian had called home to let Mom know that someone was going to be coming over for dinner, and the tone Brian got worried me. He turned to me and said "Grandpa died this morning." What a shock that was. Of course we all knew that he wasn’t healthy, a man who still smoked heavily after having had quintuple by-pass surgery about seven years earlier, but it really surprised me. I wouldn’t really say that I went into denial, but I think I kind of numbed up to the whole thing. I am the only one I know in my family, extended family included, who didn’t cry at some point during the funeral, or at any other point planning for the funeral and what-not. I guess at first I really found that disturbing to myself, that I couldn’t bring myself to cry…Even alone. I feel like I grieved, but maybe I just express it differently. Accepting my emotional part is something I’ve been working on this year, because for the past few years, I’ve tried to hide it, and that’s led me to believe that it’s non-existent—more about that later perhaps. A great thing that happened to me this summer was that I got to meet my friend Emily (sort of again)—who lives in -Nebraska- (We true Coloradoans don’t like that football team)—when I went to Omaha for my great Aunt and Uncle’s fiftieth wedding anniversary. I wish I’d had more time to spend with her, we ended up having lunch at this Mexican restaurant that sat at the bottom of this atrium shopping center in Omaha. It was a neat place-then we spent a couple hours shopping and just hanging out. It was cool to finally meet a face behind the letters which we’d exchanged pretty regularly since we met at World Youth Day. As a family, we took a vacation to Disneyland, Studio City, and Burbank this summer. I really didn’t realize how much family I have in California…My dad’s and mom’s cousins carted us around all over. It was nice getting to spend some family time together, especially with Brian being in college now, but towards the end it got to be too much family time…It was a great vacation. My favorite day was when we went to a beach off of Laguna beach called Victoria beach. There’s this spot where the tide washes up onto the rocks and makes all these little tide pools. Inside of which grow sea anemones that close up when you touch them, and little red and gray salt water crabs. I caught one that was missing a couple of legs…he didn’t seem to mind too much. Then my 45-year old second cousin Steve taught me how to body surf…It’s fun, but even just thinking about it, I can remember how tossed and turned I got in the waves. Great vacation. After getting back home from that, I discovered that I’d lost my job as cable burier—TCI decided to fire tone of employees and I was a victim of "Corporate Downsizing." (Boo-Hoo!) Oh well, life goes on. About a week before senior year started, I had gone over to my neighbors to take care of their dogs while they were out of town. As I pulled down the driveway, my mom ran out the front door and towards the neighbors house, not stopping to even notice that I’d gotten back home. I went inside and asked my brother what was going on. He told me that our neighbor, Pat Neal, had died that morning. What an incredible man he was…When the doctors had diagnosed him with colon cancer 5 and 1/2 years earlier, they had given him only a year or less to live. But he fought the cancer, and despite what the doctors had said, he lived a life, perhaps fuller than he ever had, for the next five years. Within the last half-a-year, Pat became tired. I can’t imagine…fighting a battle inside of me that would physically eat away at me daily, and with his kind of strength and courage…what an incredible man, but his fighting took it’s toll. I saw it very clearly when four days before his death, I pushed his wheelchair up their driveway so that Mrs. Neal could take him for a walk. And although I was very involved with his funeral, doing the music with my parents and Adam, I still had no tears… Upon returning to school, I found it refreshing to find that I didn’t have to stay after every day for football practice. I have missed playing football this year, but I do not regret not playing. In eighth grade I bruised my spleen, in ninth grade I tore a tendon in my finger, in tenth grade I had my appendix taken out three weeks before the first game, and in eleventh grade, I just had an unsuccessful year—only getting to play 8 plays the entire season. It is only in not playing my senior year that I discovered why I was unsuccessful in my junior year…two reasons: I was afraid of again getting hurt and so wasn’t (as coach Peterson likes to say) going full speed, and mostly, it was because I thought because I had been injured in those years past, that I was somehow at a different level athletically than everyone else…that became a self-fulfilling prophecy in my junior year. I’m glad to have had the time away from football this year to be able to see this. Depending on where I go to college…????????? I might play football there because I still love it just as much as I ever did. ( A lot of the letter is missing from here. I will be looking for this to re-type it into the letter.) What I’ve really re-learned this year
is that people are just people, no more-no less. When people are
put on different social, racial, economic, cultural, (whatever) levels,
there is a division which comes about not only between people, but within
people. People end up believing that they are not worthwhile, that
they have nothing to offer this world…and nothing could be further from
the truth. I think my challenge is to value myself just as highly
as I value everyone else. To love myself as much as I love everyone
else-because often I find that I am unhappy with me, or too happy with
me, so much that I get a bit of an ego. The trick is discovering
how to balance-celebrate accomplishments, but always strive for the best.
I’ve learned that I need to stop regretting things I’ve said and done,
because in truth, there’s not a thing in the world I can do about them.
When I’ve done wrong and realize it, I need to apologize to those who I’ve
wronged-myself included, and grow from the experience.
|